What a women want in bed

Here i give you ideas about the women thinking.........................Look, I know you men have it difficult.
Women are just about impossible to
understand, much less please. In a
post-feminist society, you never know
exactly what you should be doing.
Women are bloody picky, I know we
are. It can be scary, too, when women
freak out about what appear to be
benign issues. And men who do their
best to be respectful, female-positive
humans, I salute you, I do.
But please, please just fuck me
already. Honestly, I appreciate your
thoughtfulness. I like that you want to
take things slow. I can totally get
behind the idea of emotional
connection, but dearjesusinheaven,
FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and
drinks. We’ve gone dancing. We’ve
cuddled and watched a movie. I’m
wearing a low cut shirt and you’ve
been staring at my breasts all night.
Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck
me.
When we get hot and heavy, please
take charge. Please, please fuck me.
Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still –
I’ll get involved. But don’t make me
force your hand into my panties. That
makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve
been kissing for a half hour and your
hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s
nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get
on top of me. Don’t make me get on
top right out of the gate and start
bobbing up and down on your cock like
I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic
yoga because YOU won’t go down on
me. Roll on top and start dry humping
like a good boy should. Don’t gently
suck my nipples and then pull back
when I moan with pleasure. You being
coy is totally not what I want. It’s not
what WE want.
OK, I know it’s scary. There are lots of
women out there who make fucking
really difficult. So, I have compiled
some handy tips. Don’t think of this as
complaining, or as schadenfreude for
the Andrea Dworkins of the world . Just
some simple tips, for timid men who
have forgotten what it means to fuck
like men:
1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there
will be some women who feel that you
are pushy. If you are making out with
a woman, and she starts to push back,
ask nicely if things are moving too fast.
If she says yes, say something like “I’m
sorry – you just look so fucking
delicious. I’ll go slower.” Otherwise,
skillfully move forward. If you start
kissing a woman, and she responds
well, and before long, you’re both on
the floor with her skirt pushed up, and
you on top of her, it’s not the time to
roll onto your back and start
awkwardly stroking the top of her
head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair.
YOU’RE the man . Act like one.
2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to
respect the clit. It’s different for every
woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I
repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers
around her pussy like you’re trying to
tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips
against her vulva like you are
impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire
Center for your receipt. Do not push
the clit like it is a doorbell at some
house that you need to get inside of.
Start by using all four fingers with
firm yet gentle pressure against the
outside of her pussy. Do not charge in
with a single finger and start jabbing
at things. And if you really don’t know
what to do, ask her. Just ask. “How do
you like it?”. It’s a simple question, and
most women will answer straight out.
If she’s being all coy, ask “Do you like
pressure? Is it sensitive?” The clitoris
is a varied item, indeed. Treat each
one as though you have never
encountered one before. Forget
everything that your last partner
liked.
3. Most women like to be fucked, and
fucked well. Yes, there are women out
there who want to “make love” every
time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with
lots of eye contact and loving kisses.
Those women are not the majority.
The majority like to be pounded. The
majority like to have their hair pulled.
The majority like a good, solid
jackhammering. When a woman is
bucking wildly against you, it’s not
because she wants you to pull back
and slowly swirl your cock around her
vagina like you’re mixing a cake batter
up there. It’s because she wants you to
hold down her arms, or grab her hips,
or push her legs above her head, and
fuck her harder. Don’t be too afraid of
what this means as far as gender
equality goes – I am a raging feminist
bitch, but I still want to be penetrated
like you are planning on fucking my
throat from the inside out.
4. A little roughness is nice. Do not
pretend that you had no idea that
some women like their hair pulled. Do
not act shocked if she wants you to
spank her (“Really? Spanking? Won’t it
hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking
point). We know you’ve read Stuff and
Maxim, and that’s all those laddie
mags talk about in their “How to
Please Her” sections. Start with light,
full handed smacks to the area of her
ass that she sits on. Judge her
response and continue on from there.
You don’t have to bend her over one
knee and tell her she’s a naughty girl
and that Daddy’s going to punish her;
save that for the fifth date . Women
are less delicate than you think, so
don’t worry about breaking her hip.
5. It’s OK for you to make noise.
Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking
a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja,
and have sneaked into our rooms with
vibrating nanuchaku and zippered
black pajamas, please, please make
some noise. If you’re banging a
woman, and she’s crying out and
saying your name and moaning, and
you can’t even manage a grunt, she’s
going to feel like an idiot. You don’t
have to make the sounds she is making,
but do SOMETHING. You know how
when you are watching porn, and the
girl does something great to the guy
and the guy kind of goes “Ah!”, half
grunt, half yell? That’s HOT. Do that.
Whisper our name (assuming you
know it) gruffly. Groan against her
neck when you’re in missionary
position. You don’t have to grunt like a
mountain gorilla, but if you are totally
mute, she’s going to get worried.
6. Most women like dirty talk, in
addition to the grunting. If you’d like
to get some dirty talk going, ask her if
she likes the way you fuck her. If she
responds well, continue with
something like, “I love fucking you.
God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she
still moaning in response? “Your tits
are so beautiful.” Does that work? If
she doesn’t respond well to the term
“tits”, you might have to stop there. If
she keep moaning or responding, pass
Go and collect $200. Try the following:
“Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight.”
“You’re so wet – are you wet because
you like the feel of my cock ramming
you?”
“I think I’m going to come inside you.
I’m going to fill up your little cunt.” It
doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a
condom; we LOVE hearing this.
If all of those work, you can then
progress to things like “sexy little
bitch” and “dirty whore”. Tread
carefully, but please, tread. Do not
tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.
6. You’re not obligated to eat a woman
out. In return, she’s not obligated to
choke on your dick. Don’t skip one and
expect the other. If you do eat a
woman out, the only comment you
should make about her pussy is how
nice it is. The length of her labia
minora, the color of her interior, her
waxing job or full bush – you are not
John Madden. No time for color
commentary.
7. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we
hate them. Trust us. They hurt us
more than they hurt you. But we don’t
want to be preggers, and you don’t
want to catch anything, right? Don’t
whine about condom sex. Do not
explain that you can’t come with one
on. LEARN to come with one on, or if
not, help us figure out what to do with
you once we’re satisfied and it’s time
for you to let loose your load.
8. We really like it when you come. It’s
called a money shot for a reason.
Watching semen shoot out of you is
one of the most gratifying things EVER.
However, do not assume that she
wants you to jack it off onto her face.
She might, but don’t assume. Seeing
and/or feeling you come is rewarding
for us, so there’s no need to deprive us
of it, but please do consult us before
unleashing. “I think I’m going to come
– how do you like it?” is a fair question
that shouldn’t rob you of your
testicles.
In recent memory, I’ve been fucked by
a very aggressive, manly guy, and I’ve
been… well, fucked is the wrong term
here. I’ve been penetrated by a total
and utter wuss. Who am I going to run
back to when I’m ready for my fill?
Manly McHardon, that’s who.
—————————————————-
*New point of clarification – some
people have brought up some really
great issues in response to this post, so
let me say this: I don’t mean to imply
that all women like to be treated like
whores. I do mean to say that most
women I know have told me that they
like sex rougher than most men give it
to them. Rough does NOT equal chains
and bondage. And this applies to the
bedroom only, and does not mean that
she wants you to choose her dinner for
her, or treat her like less of a person.
**Some women have said that they
don’t like it rough and what the hell
am I thinking? Well, girls , you’re in the
minority. HOWEVER, all women need
to remember that, in addition to be
straight forward about your sexual
desires, you need to be straight
forward about your sexual limits.
Don’t be afraid to ask for more, but
when something feels wrong, say so.
Don’t ever do something you don’t
want to do in silence and then blame
the guy. Silence is dangerous.